The worst thing you can do to yourself is judge yourself through the eyes of others.
Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
The best feeling in the world is knowing that you actually mean something to someone.
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
Are you newly married? Arguing? Don’t be sad.. This is a good sign:
Sometimes couples have to argue, not to prove who’s right or wrong, but to be reminded that their love is worth fighting for.
There are many different types of arguing relationships, we shall explore the two I have identified and how to overcome them. The two which always stick out are:
- Sheep and wolf
- Lion and Tiger
Are you in a sheep and wolf relationship or a Lion and Tiger?
Sheep and wolf
You’re wondering, scratching your head in a total shock what nonsense! Well a sheep and wolf relationship is as follows:
- Backs down when in an argument
- Keeps quiet when addressed
- Bites tongue at other partners shortfalls / unacceptable behaviour
- Will agree to anything and everything that partner says
- Always like to shout way over sheep
- Brings emotional drama, blackmail and belittles partner
- Likes to be the one who wins the arguments
- Gets way in ideas, desires, wants and doesn’t think of partner as an equal
You could either be the sheep or the wolf… this is not a healthy situation to be in as the couples who never seem to argue (outsiders think are perfect) or address their disagreements are what we call a “Wolf and Sheep couple”. The sheep doesn’t have enough backbone or spirit to stand up for what they want so they just sheepishly give in to what the other wants. The wolf sits pretty for a while, until he or she wants more from a relationship than a sheep across the table! You see, a sheep is as bad for it as the wolf is for the sheep.
What to do in this situation?
You need to do the following three acts:
- The wolf needs to listen to the needs of the sheep and to put themselves in their shoes.
- The sheep needs to be brave and voice their opinion, they have to structure their arguments for the wolf to understand that they are an equal part in the relationship.
- The both need to rethink why they are together.
Love, respect and teamwork are when a relationship flourishes. If you are lacking in these three areas then you have to identify the walls and help each other take it down, brick by brick.
Next blog post Lion and Tiger :)
God is up to something.
There is a reason why you went through what you went through.
Just trust the process.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
As newly-weds you will experience many things:
- Meeting and settling with the in laws…
- Having arguments…
- Resolving arguments…
- Future plans being on the same page…
- His habits, OCD’s and obsessions…
- Your habits, clashes and OCD’s
- Speaking to his side of the family
- His friends
- Dealing with nieces and nephews
- Personal space
- Your friends behaviour to you now you’re married
- Single friends behaviour now you’re married
- How to go to dinner parties, what to do / say
- Your financial contribution and habits
- His financial situation and spending habits
- Time spending with each other and others
- Balancing home and work life
- Too much communication or not any communication
- Many more…
I shall try and address certain issues which come along as I experience them…
There are many things a mother should explain to their daughter while they grow up, how to behave, how to interact with others, what to do and what not to do! Oh mum, why didn’t you tell me..
Firstly understand marriage is not a bed of roses, he will not be perfect but neither are you! You need to go into marriage without blinkers on, know that no matter what you have to work hard in regards to maintaining the marriage but it is always worth it at the end.
So next week’s post will be about arguments, you will all have them maybe some major some minor. You will laugh at your stupidity to some of them, how silly squabbles can cause so much anguish to your mind… I have laughed over my own stupidity..but most of all that they can ALL be resolved…
Sorry I have been away for a month not posting any messages, shall be up and running again by October but will be doing weekly posts
Got married last month so been busy settling in.. has given me an idea about writing articles about marriage viewing from the South Asian perspective.. the things they don’t tell you..how to act.. etc
It takes a strong person to say sorry,
and an even stronger person to forgive.
One of the most important characteristics which one can show others is attractiveness.
This is not only in the way you dress but the way in which you present yourself.
Attractiveness is from inner confidence, feeling good about yourself and yes always in what you wear.
Dress not only for yourself but for your partner.